One of the most critical elements in any relationship is one’s “ability to forgive.” It is also the one element that is often missing, and keeps a relationship from being the one we want it to be. That was true for my daughter and me. Here is our story.
When my daughter was four years old, I abandoned her and her mother. I offer no reason or excuse, for it might be understood as justifying my behavior. Ironically, that is the same age that I was when my father divorced my mother and abandoned us. In doing so I deprived my daughter of my physical and emotional presence. She and I will say more about our journey through life later in this book.
In what turned out to be the final years of his life, specifically the last three years that he enjoyed good health, my father and I reconnected in a very meaningful way. I learned what had happened between him and my mother, from his perspective, why he had abandoned us, and I understood. In fact, he had not abandoned us in his heart, only in a physical way. He continued to remain in touch with us over the years, through our relationship with his mother, and we saw him often.
My daughter held on to that same hope; a hope that refused to die, as it had refused to die in me. We kept in touch over the years, but something was missing; a father’s touch, and a daughter’s undying love. We argued a lot over the years about many things; most times, about nothing. We each were simply trying to be right. We look back on those arguments as symptoms of the emotional intimacy, and the physical touch that we lacked in our relationship.
Then one day, in the midst of yet another argument, my Daughter said, “Daddy, maybe we just need to start over.” I was speechless! That’s how our book began. We did not set out to write a book. Instead, this book evolved slowly as we made peace and forgave each other. In the process of working through our conflicts, we wrote a lot of poetry and prose to each other, to help mend the rift between us. Those writings comprise much of the content of this book.
As we continued to write to each other, it occurred to both of us that it might be beneficial to share our experience with others, with the hope that they would find the peace and contentment that we have found. From that point on, the book began to come together.
Since we live in different states, we used e-mail as a method of communication. There were scores of e-mails shared between us, and many revisions to our book to get it completed.
The Gift poem, which describes our journey toward forgiveness, was completed first. The other elements of the book came about as a result of wanting to make its contents clearly understandable and useful for others seeking to explore and experience forgiveness in their relationships.
We wrote our book to facilitate forgiveness between mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, friends and enemies, anyone who feels the need to forgive, or to be forgiven. We hope you will use the contents of our book to bring the peace of forgiveness to all of your relationships.
